Forks in my brain..

Sounds painful doesn’t it? Forks in my brain. No, I don’t have an urge to be part of a traveling circus or anything.  I’m  also not inventing some new fashion fad. Not that that would be a success anyway.

The forks I am talking about are the ones that create the forks in the road of life.  “But sparrow, what on earth are you chirping about?” (that would be you asking that, so no I don’t have a fork in my head as of yet). Throughout my life I’ve had to make difficult decisions. Just like all of you.

Self constructed forks.

Some of the forks in the road are self constructed. The fork in the brain: because of something I create in my mind, I think I have no choice.  Fear is one. Even though I can be pretty fearless, there still is a form present in me. A residue from long ago. Not being accepted or taken seriously when I express my thoughts on a subject that doesn’t fit the general consensus. I think then, that I’d better choose the path of peace and not speak my mind.  I have done that for years. It results in what I was afraid of to begin with. No one knew me or where I stood on things, so they didn’t take me seriously. Now I take a different route. I do speak up and it surprises people. It took them a while to take to the “new” me, but that comes with the territory. When it comes to God, I speak up. Part of why I started this blog. It also affects my daily life, now that I proclaim Him more easily. There was a man at the post office that was complaining about the state of the US and that he didn’t trust anybody anymore. That was an open door for me. I told him that the only One that he could trust is God. The everlasting, unchanging God who is in control.  Now years ago I wouldn’t have done that, too afraid of people thinking I was weird. But now that I am no longer the real center of my life and knowing what Christ has done to forgive me and to give me life…I am not ashamed.

Thrown forks

Then there are the forks that are thrown at you in life. The ones you have no control over. Like for example a death of a loved one or ones, that put you in a position where you have to make tough decisions. My parents died within 5 months of each other and left my sister and I behind. My father had a heart attack on my birthday and my mom died later of an aggressive form of cancer. I had a decision to make. Be a guardian of my sister (since I was 23 years old at the time and she was a minor) or have Child Protective Services take care of her. The latter was unimaginable to me. But was I ready to be being a guardian?  Well, ready or not, I became not only her sister but also the one in charge. It all felt surreal. Our safe nest was ripped apart and in the new reality the earth had shifted as well.  Not long after, my sister did decide to live with her best friend so she could be in a family setting again. I fully understood. It was a good decision. She is a wonderful woman now with many good things going for her. She works very hard and I am so so proud of what she has made of her life all by herself.

There will no doubt be so many forks in my head that cause forks in the road for the rest of my life to come. But now that I can recognize them, it is a lot easier to deal with and create alternative forks that lead to better roads.

pff Petra

 

 

This post is a response to the daily prompt as given by The Daily Post. Today’s prompt was fork.

 

 

 

 

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